By Zack Smith
Let the universe howl in agony, for the rule of Apokolips has returned...IN FUNKO FORM!
Yes, Funko has posted a pic of a new Pop vinyl figure that represents Darkseid, god of evil and most terrifying of all DC Universe villains, in a super-deformed glow-in-the-dark mode.
Let his terrifying visage be revealed!
Those not versed in comic book lore must now suffer the horror of having the veneer of safety ripped away from their ordinary lives as they now learn of the war that led to the destruction of the Old Gods, and the subsequent formation of two worlds that rose from their ashes -- the green paradise of New Genesis, and the fire-pit-riddled realm of Apokolips, where free will is but a myth and life is built around pain, suffering and the inflicting of utter destruction on all living beings.
Learn now also of its terrifying ruler Darkseid, whose fearsome visage conceals the power of the Omega Effect, capable of erasing anything in its path from existence, with punishments ranging from excruciating pain to living out a series of tragic, suffering-filled lifetimes, in state of perpetual confusion and despair. And that chill you feel, as though someone has just walked over your own grave, is the knowledge that Darkseid seeks upon the planet Earth the human whose mind contains the Anti-Life Equation, which will allow him to DOMINATE THE CONSCIOUS THOUGHT OF EVERY LIVING BEING IN THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah, that's a lot more interesting than the super-giant monosyllabic version from the recent Justice League comic, isn't it?
Certainly, there are some worries that the Lord of Apokalips might seek vengeance upon Funko for mockery of his likeness, but fear not. As Darkseid's creator Jack Kirby once showed us, he is perfectly happy with manipulating the minds of humanity through such resources as a fake amusement park called "Happyland," where he can walk among humans and scare the hell out of little children. Surely this merchandise will allow Darkseid still more opportunities for the domination of all sentient beings he so desperately craves.
As you prepare for your inevitable destruction at the hands of the Dark One, momentarily contemplate whether you wish to purchase this new Funko when it becomes available, or if there are other DC Funkos you'd like to see, such as Brother Power, the Geek. Let us know...while there's still time.