By Katherine Erlikh
A firsthand account of the madness that is the GISHWHES scavenger hunt.
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 11 hours, 30 minutes and 42 seconds:
About 1/3 of the way there, folks! Progress reports? “I sent the children's book to be printed, got yelled at by a high priestess, and found out a serial killer used to park his yacht two streets from me,” said Stephanie of her activities on Day 2. “Sanity is on the brink after three doubles in a row, a cabaret in progress, and a fringe show about to open. Dear Lord, what was I thinking?” added unfortunate teammate Kristie. #AllTheRegrets.
Also, Cecelia makes an adorable ice cream sundae.
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 11 hours, 10 minutes and 12 seconds:
There’s nothing more patriotic than an American flag made out of bacon. Remember this for next time, Cecelia. Also, it’s 4:00am. I haven’t slept yet. If I go to sleep now I need to get up at 5:00am. I need to go on a nature hike. I don’t know where my business cards are. I need to make a Satan costume and a festive egg. I still haven’t found the nun, the marching band, or the glue. Oh, and apparently I’m writing a book. And I have to go see "Rocky Horror Picture Show." We’ve all lost our minds haven’t we?
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 10 hours, 02 minutes, and 21 seconds:
WHY DOES NO ONE HAVE DRIED FRUIT ON SALE THAT ISN’T RAISINS AT 4 IN THE MORNING THIS IS A TRAVESTY.
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 9 hours, 17 minutes and 34 seconds:
I just mixed up Kim Kardashian and Kurt Cobain. It would be time to go to sleep, IF I HAD TIME TO GO TO SLEEP. So… does anyone have a horse heart I could borrow? I promise I won’t eat it. Unlike Khaleesi.
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 1 hour, 32 minutes and 51 seconds:
I’m not sure what I’m doing but it seems to have involved aimlessly sitting in front of a fountain, staring at the running water for an hour and pondering how much it looks like a real gifset.
“I feel like I'm wearing an herbal diaper…” mused Amber in the meantime, somewhere in sunny California.
The Hunt Ends in 5 days, 0 hours, 21 minutes and 48 seconds:
I bit the bullet and asked to post a sign at my gym, seeking volunteers for a GISHWHES experiment. Surprisingly, the dude at the counter has heard of GISHWHES and, beyond the really stunned look when I told him what I was looking for, he was chill about it. Hopefully, I’ll find the people I need…
The Hunt Ends in 4 days, 20 hours, 17 minutes and 39 seconds:
“Finding a live bird in NYC that would willingly go to the DMV is only beaten on the hard-to-do-scale by finding a New Yorker that would willingly go to the DMV,” said teammate Kristie. I’m actually not sure where the bird thing is coming from, but I’m not going to question it. In the meantime, Kyrsten bemoaned the dearth of laundromats in Alaska from all the way in Mississippi.
The Hunt Ends in 4 days, 18 hours, 34 minutes and 57 seconds:
“Do you need to randomly fight ninja's on a moment's notice? Are you female? Then you're in luck! Introducing: PONCHUCKS! The tampon nunchucks that are taking the nation by storm. Now for at least one week out of the month, you won't get cornered in a random ninja attack. Just insert your ponchuck like a normal tampon. Then, when the ninjas sneak up on you... BAM! Pull your ponchuck out and beat them bloody. Pun intended.” -Amber
The Hunt Ends in 4 Days, 17 hours, 22 minutes and 01 seconds:
I woke up from an unplanned nap with a keyboard embedded in my face. Asking people I don’t know for help is definitely the hardest part of this endeavor; it’s terrifying, especially to someone who is socially awkward and an introvert. However, it seems not all is lost – I’ve had one person respond to the thing I posted in the gym this morning, and, after posting a plea for help on the FB page Metal Up Your Ass, I acquired more than enough volunteers in corpse paint.
“I'M HIGH OFF OF BLOOD LOSS AND READY FOR MY MEDAL” said teammate Stephanie when asked about her day. “Too sleepy to function and Misha is an assbutt, ‘cause that rain was cold,” added Kyrsten. It seems quite a few team members got a bit soggy today as part of the festivities.
I still don’t have a nun, glue or a marching band. This is a problem, so the team is adjourning to check Tumblr for other people’s despair.