Amidst gangs of ravenous new vampires on the loose, increased attacks on werewolves, Bill's descent into religious mania, and Tara's possible like-like feelings for her maker, True Blood delivers one of the most over-the-top, show-breaking scenes in the show's history.

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True Blood suffers a staff reduction as two vampires (don't worry, peripheral ones) suffer the true death while one human cast member bids farewell for parts north. Plus, Bill and Nora try to make a convert out of Eric as the American Vampire League continues its PR offensive convince the human world that things are fine, just fine (that's not stopping panicked humans from packing guns with wooden bullets, though). Then there's Tara, Pam, and the new Sheriff of Zone 5, while Sookie and Jason find a mysterious scroll.

Hey Sookie, no good can ever come of discovering a mysterious scroll!

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You can feel the weight of season five nearing its end on this episode of True Blood--not quite in a "oh man this is so thrilling I can't wait to find out what happens way," and more of a "oh man, they went with that ending" kind of way. As two storylines reach their conclusion while the Authority plot kind of drifts in and out of the margins, "Everybody Wants to Rule the World" has alternately made this season feel both rushed and thin up to this point. The ifrit plot and the human supremacist thing (and even the murder of Sookie and Jason's parents) feel like sideshows, drawing attention away from the protracted intrigues inside Authority HQ.

Why you want to keep taking us back to barns and pigsties, True Blood writers?

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The most unforgivable sin this week's episode of True Blood commits (in an episode concerned, no less with sins and heresy) is to cut away from the Authority after its opening. In fact, I would have been delighted to hang with Salome, Nora, Bill, Russell, and Eric (and the other three) for the bulk of this episode just to see where their strange, bloody trip takes them (beyond hassling terrified cabbies on the streets of New Orleans).

But let me back up, because obviously, this episode is about more than our favorite group of vampires joining in an unexpected communion, I guess you could call it. Yep, we've got more fairy business (why won't it stop), Lafayette in a pickle, Tara on a pole, and Terry on the run.

****Beware of spoilers after the jump****
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By the end of this week's True Blood, Bill, Sookie, Eric, and Alcide may have bitten off more than they could chew, while Tara gets an old job at a new place along with an old new friend; Lafayette starts to freak about the whole demonic possession thing while Jason and Andy investigate a shooting and Terry and his old Army buddy investigate not getting set on fire.

****Warning, spoilers below!****
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Bon Temps just seems stuck in HBO's blood as the network renews the series for a sixth season. while the lackluster fourth season had its problems, "True Blood" has put the tortured, semi-ridiculous, always entertaining drama front and center with the current fifth season.
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After the baffling record scratch that was the reveal about Jason last week, "We'll Meet Again" gets back to the same burlesque ridiculousness that we all know and love in Bon Temps.

In this week's "True Blood" episode: Lafayette makes a mistake, Sookie gets wasted, and someone gets staked.

****Warning, spoilers ahead!****
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In this week's episode, we get more Pam flashbacks, Tara can't figure out how to handle her second day as a vampire, Lafayette and Sookie continue trying to cover up the whole "dead Debbie" mess, and the specter of sexual abuse rears its head as one of the characters confronts their complicated past.

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With Bill and Eric in the hands of the Authority, we get our first real look at the vampires' paranoid governing body; meanwhile, Sookie and Lafayette deal with a ticked-off vampire Tara, while Alcide, Sam, and Luna deal with the fallout from the death of werewolf pack leader/comb over enthusiast Marcus. Oh, and Terry might have done something horrible in Iraq that's followed him home to Bon Temps.

*****Caution: spoilers to follow*****
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Between its witches, multiple spiritual possessions, amnesia, and shifting alliances, True Blood's fourth season was a sloppy, often exasperating mess. It's not so much that there was too much going on in Bon Temps and beyond last year (although that was part of the problem), it's that it was all in such small doses, executed gracelessly. Why would we care about Sam's brother Tommy's path from would-be con artist to some minor redemption when his appearances throughout the season were spread so thin? Likewise, why was Lafeyette given two concurrent storylines about discovering his inner medium, neither story really progressing the character in any real way?

Thankfully, last night's premiere—which starts minutes after last season's blood-spattered finale—has the benefit of being able to narrow the scope a bit, and over the span on this first hour (and a well-cut preview of the upcoming season), True Blood has recaptured some of the magic that makes its sex-crazed, moss-covered take on the vampire myth so compelling.

***Spoilers ahead***
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by Brandon Freeberg & Charlie Norwood


These Na'vi hate life. Deal with it.

We've come to the end of the road for the second season of Game of Thrones. For those of you who were hoping at some point to see Robb Stark chop Joffrey Baratheon's head off, you were probably disappointed. For those of you who were hoping to see Daenery's dragons f@#$ up the people of Westeros, you were probably disappointed. And for those of you who were hoping to see Jon Snow be a boss beyond the wall, you were probably disappointed. But it wasn't all bad! You have a new character to hate in Theon Greyjoy, you learned that shadow monsters lurk in the darkest areas of Melisandre's nether regions, and most of all, you know that the Whitewalkers are coming, and they're bringing winter with them.

And so, for the last time, we recap.

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Written by: Brandon Freeberg & Charlie Norwood

And the wildfire's green glare, the Davos' son bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that King's Landing was still there.

Similar to last season's ninth episode "Balon", where Lord Eddard Stark gets his head lopped off (spoiler alert?), the ninth episode of this season titled "Blackwater" is one that leaves pretty much everyone floored. The wildfire explosion has to rank up there as one of the top "swag" moments of the show, right there with Daenerys' dragons first appearing, Viserys getting his golden crown, and the just mentioned beheading of Ned. In other words: It. Was. AWESOME!

It's been a long time coming, but overall we feel HBO did a solid job at adapting the Battle of The Blackwater for television. Of course we also have a few gripes, so lets get into things.

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Written by: Brandon Freeberg & Charlie Norwood

Oh, hey, sorry we missed last week (and that we're late this week). We were off in the shade on vacay, making pina coladas pay the Iron Price. But we're back and feeling refreshed, though we still haven't gotten all the sand out from the wetness between our legs yet.

War is almost upon us in the Game of Thrones universe, and we're getting a little antsy. Not a whole lot has been happening lately, but we know it's all been a setup for the final two episodes (hopefully). Theon and his Iron Island posse are still hanging out in Winterfell when Yara comes rolling in, pissed off that Theon allegedly murdered the Stark boys.

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Written by: Brandon Freeberg & Charlie Norwood

Last week we told you guys that if you haven't started hating Cletus The Slack Jawed Yokel Theon Greyjoy, get ready. See what we meant?


Buzz Theon's sides and the resemblance is uncanny

Anyway, at this point in the season, so much is happening on the show that doesn't happen in Clash of Kings we're basically out of analysis to give, but we think we've figured out what's going on. This season is actually just a dramatic allegory of the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement. Theon Greyjoy, acting as an entitled trustafarian who thinks he represents the 99%, has finally had it with those rich Starks up in Winterfell, so he "occupies" the castle, and then makes some confusing and pointless demands, like having everyone refer to him as 'Prince Theon'. So this #occupy metaphor is breaking down pretty quickly, but we're sure some academic, with way too much time on their hands is already writing their comm studies dissertation on this subject. So, uh, let us lexus-nexus that for you?

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Written by: Brandon Freeberg & Charlie Norwood

Jake Busey Says Hi

This season of Game of Thrones has been heavily focused on expanding the world of Westeros and beyond the Narrow Sea. We've met a ton of new characters so far, but surprisingly a lot of the old characters have done a good job at staying alive. That was until last night, when last week's cliffhanger (Melisandre's vagina shadow) crept into Renly's tent and drove a blade through his back, to the horror of both Brienne and Catelyn Stark. Huge plot twist, especially since it sounded like Renly was leaning towards making peace with Robb. Just a heads up from two guys who have read the books, don't expect anything you want to happen in this story to actually happen because George R. R. Martin will never do it. We won't elaborate on what we mean by that, but in a few years when the show is all said and done, you'll get it.

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